:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
