She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
