Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
