we're blogging at a bar
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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