The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize