I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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