she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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