it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
