You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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