Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So vagazzling was a success
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
