If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
