After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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