In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
