what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
