we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
