he was CRYING into my vagina
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
