You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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