I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
