if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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