Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you inspire me to be a worse person
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
