I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
