if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.