After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
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Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
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I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.