I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize