Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.