I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Found the puke drawer
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
