This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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