you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
