the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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