I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
