At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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