the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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