i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
