I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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