genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
