I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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