I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize