I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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