Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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