at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Ladies don't puke and tell
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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