Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
