Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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