You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
