You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
