I'm lost and stupid without you.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
