May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
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Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
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She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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