when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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