i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
