Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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