so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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