Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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