Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
