I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
