hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
