Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
