Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
