So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
