Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
