Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
