I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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