Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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