So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
