I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
