apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
