i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
