I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
