I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
