i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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