I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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