Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
