I have demons in me.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize