Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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